In case it's been awhile, or you've never been on leave with a newborn, it's no 6, 8, 12 week vacation from work. It's MORE work! Here's why;
1. Sleep. Everyone says, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." This is a great idea, however it's not always possible. Sometimes babies only nap when out and about, so no, you can't sleep when you're on a walk, driving or shopping at Walmart, but you appreciate the quiet anyway. Sometimes baby only sleeps for 20 minutes at a time, and if you're wise you'll go to the bathroom, and try to eat something first, and then the nap is over and you settle for tea instead of sleep. Sometimes even when baby is getting a good nap, it's hard to fall asleep even when you feel exhausted, whether it is because of the bright daylight, a long list of things on your mental list, stress, anxiety, your own discomfort from healing, or simply listening out for the baby to wake up.
Even when baby is sleeping for longer stretches, you still need MORE sleep. First of all, you're still healing from the trauma of pregnancy and birth. Secondly, if you're nursing, your body is an around the clock machine, thirdly you're carrying around an ever-growing weight throughout the day. Not even counting the infant carseat that's 20+ lbs. alone, in the first three months the baby will likely weigh anywhere from 7-17 lbs., I challenge anyone to carry around that much weight in a sack for hours and tell me you're not tired at the end of the day!
I hasten to add, I am VERY GRATEFUL we are able to send Hudson, our 4.5 year old, to preschool everyday. I can't imagine Sadie and I would get nearly as much rest if he was hanging out with us all day. At the same time, getting sleep is harder the second time around. No matter what kind of night Sadie, Ted and I had, Hudson is ready to go at 6/6:30 every morning. There's no rest on the weekends. I'm not lamenting, he's good most of the time at staying quiet in our room, and most of the time he's in the sunshiny-est mood in the morning, but still it's hard to be awoken.
2. Basic human needs. In addition to not getting to sleep enough, it can be difficult to even eat or go to the bathroom. I honestly hardly feel hungry or the need to go to the bathroom, but I will feel the effects later with cramps. I don't know if it's that my body is too tired to read the cues or if my body is too focused on meeting the needs of my child. Sometimes it's 2-3 o'clock and I realized I haven't had lunch, and skipping meals is not like me at all! I have to discipline myself. Before I feed Sadie, I go to the bathroom,even if I don't feel like I need to. After each feeding I drink a full glass of water right away. I try to keep quick snacks handy that I can eat while nursing or while holding Sadie. Sometimes it's one of Ted's smoothies, chopped up cucumbers or carrots, apple slices, a banana, microwave burrito. It's hard to eat healthy when you can only eat with one hand.
Sometimes I'm out and about, and I don't really want to, but I go through the drive-through because I know when I get home, Sadie will wake up, I'll need to bring in the groceries, put them away, and feed her, I wouldn't get to eat for at least another hour.
Babies will go through spells where they do not want to be put down at all, this makes taking care of yourself very difficult.
3. Oh the hormones. Throughout pregnancy, hormones increase with every passing week, so for 40 weeks they are building and your body adjusts. Immediately after birth, the hormones levels drop which accounts for the baby blues. The body/mind are scrambling to make sense of the new levels. Compact this with the emotional stress of caring for the newborn, and the physical stress of taking care of yourself and there's a lot of crying going on. It can be hard when everyone's sooo happy for you and excited and all you feel is stress and exhaustion and then you feel guilty for not feeling as happy and excited as all of the well rested people around you. I was much better prepared for this than I was last time, and don't feel bad at all about how I feel, I know it's normal and it will pass.
4. Get out! Even though it can be such a challenge to get out of the house, I do it every day. I know I need it for my mental and physical health. If the weather's bad, we'll go to the mall or a big store to stretch my legs, sometimes I don't even buy anything. I try to go for mile or so walks as often as possible, and am sometimes able to meet up with friends or family. Not only do we get some fresh air but Sadie is typically calm and content when we're out during the day. In addition I wonder how much it helps to have strangers, friends, and family coo over the baby. Sometimes we are so stressed and tired we forget to coo.
Getting out and about is easier because I have no qualms with nursing in public. I have a cover I use even when among friends and family, but otherwise do not feel embarrassed about it. With Hudson, the first time I nursed in public, he was 3 weeks old, this time Sadie was 5 days old! Whenever possible, I find a quiet spot, and a place where I can put my back against a wall or some other barrier. I still feel a little nervous a creepy person will peer down my cover, but even if they do, they wouldn't see much of anything.
5. Saying "No" and Saying "Yes." Generally speaking, we women have trouble saying "no" to company or invitations and saying "yes" to help. I've been better at that this time and I think the first few weeks with Sadie were much less stressful because of it. Visits were very limited in the first weeks which helped establish nursing and helped Ted and I get the rest we needed. When people did visit or stay, I graciously accepted their food and food prep (Thanks Mom!) knowing that it was an easy way for them to help. When family was over, I didn't feel bad taking a nap if that's what I needed. People are excited to see the baby and hear all about their arrival, but they also respect the need for time and space. And if they don't, then they are selfish and shouldn't be coming over anyway!
Recently I didn't feel like I was getting enough of a mental break, so I said to Ted I need 15 minutes every evening where you have both kids and I will be uninterrupted. Not long, but it still feels good to even complete a task for 15 minutes. So far the efforts have been comical, as Sadie wants to eat a lot more often in the evenings, and Hudson really wants to organize the closet with me, or help with laundry but we're going to keep trying.
6. Productivity. With Hudson, I felt so much self-inflicted pressure to have a productive day, and get a lot done. Taking care of his and my needs did not feel like enough to me, and when Ted would simply ask how was my day, or 'What did you do today?' I felt like I needed a big report. Now I feel NO pressure to do to the dishes, laundry, clean up, etc. I've been good at getting the grocery shopping done, but somehow it seems harder to get the domestic work done, but I don't really care. If people come over and see a mess, I don't care. So far, the dishes have gotten done in time to not need paper plates, and there are always clean clothes to wear. Things are piling up more than they used to but I'm not stressing it.
I hope this helps people understand why thank you notes and birth announcements have not gone out and why a new mom may flake out-or sound like a flake at times! Accept this as my apology!
Any moms out there have thoughts to add?
Other posts you may also enjoy:
What it's really like having two children
Hello World
Come on Labor Walks
1. Sleep. Everyone says, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." This is a great idea, however it's not always possible. Sometimes babies only nap when out and about, so no, you can't sleep when you're on a walk, driving or shopping at Walmart, but you appreciate the quiet anyway. Sometimes baby only sleeps for 20 minutes at a time, and if you're wise you'll go to the bathroom, and try to eat something first, and then the nap is over and you settle for tea instead of sleep. Sometimes even when baby is getting a good nap, it's hard to fall asleep even when you feel exhausted, whether it is because of the bright daylight, a long list of things on your mental list, stress, anxiety, your own discomfort from healing, or simply listening out for the baby to wake up.
Even when baby is sleeping for longer stretches, you still need MORE sleep. First of all, you're still healing from the trauma of pregnancy and birth. Secondly, if you're nursing, your body is an around the clock machine, thirdly you're carrying around an ever-growing weight throughout the day. Not even counting the infant carseat that's 20+ lbs. alone, in the first three months the baby will likely weigh anywhere from 7-17 lbs., I challenge anyone to carry around that much weight in a sack for hours and tell me you're not tired at the end of the day!
I hasten to add, I am VERY GRATEFUL we are able to send Hudson, our 4.5 year old, to preschool everyday. I can't imagine Sadie and I would get nearly as much rest if he was hanging out with us all day. At the same time, getting sleep is harder the second time around. No matter what kind of night Sadie, Ted and I had, Hudson is ready to go at 6/6:30 every morning. There's no rest on the weekends. I'm not lamenting, he's good most of the time at staying quiet in our room, and most of the time he's in the sunshiny-est mood in the morning, but still it's hard to be awoken.
2. Basic human needs. In addition to not getting to sleep enough, it can be difficult to even eat or go to the bathroom. I honestly hardly feel hungry or the need to go to the bathroom, but I will feel the effects later with cramps. I don't know if it's that my body is too tired to read the cues or if my body is too focused on meeting the needs of my child. Sometimes it's 2-3 o'clock and I realized I haven't had lunch, and skipping meals is not like me at all! I have to discipline myself. Before I feed Sadie, I go to the bathroom,even if I don't feel like I need to. After each feeding I drink a full glass of water right away. I try to keep quick snacks handy that I can eat while nursing or while holding Sadie. Sometimes it's one of Ted's smoothies, chopped up cucumbers or carrots, apple slices, a banana, microwave burrito. It's hard to eat healthy when you can only eat with one hand.
Sometimes I'm out and about, and I don't really want to, but I go through the drive-through because I know when I get home, Sadie will wake up, I'll need to bring in the groceries, put them away, and feed her, I wouldn't get to eat for at least another hour.
Babies will go through spells where they do not want to be put down at all, this makes taking care of yourself very difficult.
3. Oh the hormones. Throughout pregnancy, hormones increase with every passing week, so for 40 weeks they are building and your body adjusts. Immediately after birth, the hormones levels drop which accounts for the baby blues. The body/mind are scrambling to make sense of the new levels. Compact this with the emotional stress of caring for the newborn, and the physical stress of taking care of yourself and there's a lot of crying going on. It can be hard when everyone's sooo happy for you and excited and all you feel is stress and exhaustion and then you feel guilty for not feeling as happy and excited as all of the well rested people around you. I was much better prepared for this than I was last time, and don't feel bad at all about how I feel, I know it's normal and it will pass.
4. Get out! Even though it can be such a challenge to get out of the house, I do it every day. I know I need it for my mental and physical health. If the weather's bad, we'll go to the mall or a big store to stretch my legs, sometimes I don't even buy anything. I try to go for mile or so walks as often as possible, and am sometimes able to meet up with friends or family. Not only do we get some fresh air but Sadie is typically calm and content when we're out during the day. In addition I wonder how much it helps to have strangers, friends, and family coo over the baby. Sometimes we are so stressed and tired we forget to coo.
Getting out and about is easier because I have no qualms with nursing in public. I have a cover I use even when among friends and family, but otherwise do not feel embarrassed about it. With Hudson, the first time I nursed in public, he was 3 weeks old, this time Sadie was 5 days old! Whenever possible, I find a quiet spot, and a place where I can put my back against a wall or some other barrier. I still feel a little nervous a creepy person will peer down my cover, but even if they do, they wouldn't see much of anything.
5. Saying "No" and Saying "Yes." Generally speaking, we women have trouble saying "no" to company or invitations and saying "yes" to help. I've been better at that this time and I think the first few weeks with Sadie were much less stressful because of it. Visits were very limited in the first weeks which helped establish nursing and helped Ted and I get the rest we needed. When people did visit or stay, I graciously accepted their food and food prep (Thanks Mom!) knowing that it was an easy way for them to help. When family was over, I didn't feel bad taking a nap if that's what I needed. People are excited to see the baby and hear all about their arrival, but they also respect the need for time and space. And if they don't, then they are selfish and shouldn't be coming over anyway!
Recently I didn't feel like I was getting enough of a mental break, so I said to Ted I need 15 minutes every evening where you have both kids and I will be uninterrupted. Not long, but it still feels good to even complete a task for 15 minutes. So far the efforts have been comical, as Sadie wants to eat a lot more often in the evenings, and Hudson really wants to organize the closet with me, or help with laundry but we're going to keep trying.
6. Productivity. With Hudson, I felt so much self-inflicted pressure to have a productive day, and get a lot done. Taking care of his and my needs did not feel like enough to me, and when Ted would simply ask how was my day, or 'What did you do today?' I felt like I needed a big report. Now I feel NO pressure to do to the dishes, laundry, clean up, etc. I've been good at getting the grocery shopping done, but somehow it seems harder to get the domestic work done, but I don't really care. If people come over and see a mess, I don't care. So far, the dishes have gotten done in time to not need paper plates, and there are always clean clothes to wear. Things are piling up more than they used to but I'm not stressing it.
I hope this helps people understand why thank you notes and birth announcements have not gone out and why a new mom may flake out-or sound like a flake at times! Accept this as my apology!
Any moms out there have thoughts to add?
Other posts you may also enjoy:
What it's really like having two children
Hello World
Come on Labor Walks
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