When we were expecting baby number 2 everyone said how we wouldn't have any time raising two kids. Fine, we get that, two young kids, lots of needs, laundry, tears, etc. After all of 9 weeks in, here's what I've found to be hard;
1. You miss your older child. When I saw another mom on a message board say they missed their older child, I thought it sounded ridiculous, then I understood. For the first 6 or so weeks, I felt like I was constantly nursing, sleeping or trying to get Sadie to sleep, or stay asleep for more than five minutes. I would try to watch a show with Hudson, or read him a story, but it was tough always having the baby in my lap. The last month or so of pregnancy I was doing less of his baths and night routine but still, I missed some of those everyday interactions. I was no longer his primary caregiver, temporarily anyway, and I missed him.Now it feels like such a treat when Sadie's feeding times allow me a chance to put Hudson to bed.
2. Short on sleep = short on patience. No matter the age of the older child(ren) they require lots of patience, new sibling or not. No matter how fabulous your newborn is, you're going to be sleep deprived and not have the patience you and your child are used to having. For example; a morning routine may go down like this; "H, time to get your shoes on." "No, I'm playing with Legos." "You can play with legos when you get home, now it's time to get your shoes on to go to preschool." "In two minutes, I'll get my shoes on." "We really need to go now"......so many negotiations. Parent with less sleep; "H, time to get your shoes on." "No, I'm playing with Legos." "We need to go NOW." It's hard on everyone, but what can you do?!
3. Older sibling is up NO MATTER WHAT!! With one child, the parents can sleep in, sleep any hours, take naps, have an easy going, mellow day at home, baby permitting. One hard lesson learned this time, especially on Saturday and Sunday, it doesn't matter what kind of night Sadie and I (and sometimes Ted) had, Hudson is up, bright and chipper at 6:30 or 7. Even if we just got back to bed at 5:30. No sugar coating it, this really sucks sometimes. Hudson doesn't take naps anymore, so Ted or I need to be up for about 14 hours, not only up, but keeping up with 4 year old boy energy. If we appear exhausted at times, there is very good reason. We are still figuring out how to meet both kids needs on the weekends without a full 'divide and conquer' strategy.
4. So many new rules. Hudson was so excited about Sadie's arrival and has truly been amazingly sweet with her. When I hear myself talk though, I keep hearing so much negativity; "Quiet down, don't go over there, let her sleep, not so close, stop bouncing on the couch when I'm feeding, please don't sing Jingle Bells right now, it's sweet you made that toy for her out of legos but the pieces are too small and she could choke, thank you for trying to help her sleep but don't rock the swing/car seat SO much, you can't play with that blanket we need it for Sadie, don't you dare go over to the crib and say GOOD MORNING to Sadie she just fell asleep" oh the list goes on and on. I'm trying to praise him as much as I can. Even though she is a joyous addition, it's quite a significant adjustment for all of us.
5. You miss your spouse. With so much dividing and conquering there is little to no time/energy for togetherness. We eat dinner together, but after dinner typically Ted takes Hudson up and I'm taking care of Sadie. Just in the last week or so has there been some co-mingling; Sadie and I will go in to Hudson's bedroom for stories and games, and Ted will come to Sadie's room for tummy time after Hudson is in bed. Since we're trying to make sure I get a break, sometimes Ted has both kids while I have a much needed mental break. After the kids are down, there's still laundry, bills, dishes, etc., to attend to, which again, we usually just divide up. Up until last week I was always asleep before Ted even came to bed. We're trying to be better at carving out time together and I'm sure that will get easier once Sadie is on more of a schedule. (As I type this, he is sitting beside me working from home on his computer--this is progress!)
What am I forgetting fellow parents? It's past my bed time!
Other posts you may like:
What Maternity Leave is Really Like
Hello World
Come on Labor Walks
1. You miss your older child. When I saw another mom on a message board say they missed their older child, I thought it sounded ridiculous, then I understood. For the first 6 or so weeks, I felt like I was constantly nursing, sleeping or trying to get Sadie to sleep, or stay asleep for more than five minutes. I would try to watch a show with Hudson, or read him a story, but it was tough always having the baby in my lap. The last month or so of pregnancy I was doing less of his baths and night routine but still, I missed some of those everyday interactions. I was no longer his primary caregiver, temporarily anyway, and I missed him.Now it feels like such a treat when Sadie's feeding times allow me a chance to put Hudson to bed.
2. Short on sleep = short on patience. No matter the age of the older child(ren) they require lots of patience, new sibling or not. No matter how fabulous your newborn is, you're going to be sleep deprived and not have the patience you and your child are used to having. For example; a morning routine may go down like this; "H, time to get your shoes on." "No, I'm playing with Legos." "You can play with legos when you get home, now it's time to get your shoes on to go to preschool." "In two minutes, I'll get my shoes on." "We really need to go now"......so many negotiations. Parent with less sleep; "H, time to get your shoes on." "No, I'm playing with Legos." "We need to go NOW." It's hard on everyone, but what can you do?!
3. Older sibling is up NO MATTER WHAT!! With one child, the parents can sleep in, sleep any hours, take naps, have an easy going, mellow day at home, baby permitting. One hard lesson learned this time, especially on Saturday and Sunday, it doesn't matter what kind of night Sadie and I (and sometimes Ted) had, Hudson is up, bright and chipper at 6:30 or 7. Even if we just got back to bed at 5:30. No sugar coating it, this really sucks sometimes. Hudson doesn't take naps anymore, so Ted or I need to be up for about 14 hours, not only up, but keeping up with 4 year old boy energy. If we appear exhausted at times, there is very good reason. We are still figuring out how to meet both kids needs on the weekends without a full 'divide and conquer' strategy.
4. So many new rules. Hudson was so excited about Sadie's arrival and has truly been amazingly sweet with her. When I hear myself talk though, I keep hearing so much negativity; "Quiet down, don't go over there, let her sleep, not so close, stop bouncing on the couch when I'm feeding, please don't sing Jingle Bells right now, it's sweet you made that toy for her out of legos but the pieces are too small and she could choke, thank you for trying to help her sleep but don't rock the swing/car seat SO much, you can't play with that blanket we need it for Sadie, don't you dare go over to the crib and say GOOD MORNING to Sadie she just fell asleep" oh the list goes on and on. I'm trying to praise him as much as I can. Even though she is a joyous addition, it's quite a significant adjustment for all of us.
5. You miss your spouse. With so much dividing and conquering there is little to no time/energy for togetherness. We eat dinner together, but after dinner typically Ted takes Hudson up and I'm taking care of Sadie. Just in the last week or so has there been some co-mingling; Sadie and I will go in to Hudson's bedroom for stories and games, and Ted will come to Sadie's room for tummy time after Hudson is in bed. Since we're trying to make sure I get a break, sometimes Ted has both kids while I have a much needed mental break. After the kids are down, there's still laundry, bills, dishes, etc., to attend to, which again, we usually just divide up. Up until last week I was always asleep before Ted even came to bed. We're trying to be better at carving out time together and I'm sure that will get easier once Sadie is on more of a schedule. (As I type this, he is sitting beside me working from home on his computer--this is progress!)
Other posts you may like:
What Maternity Leave is Really Like
Hello World
Come on Labor Walks
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