I'll admit it, I'm not happy. I thought I would be working full time over a month ago. I've done everything I was told to do, and still I wait. Right now, I'm waiting for one little, but powerful spreadsheet to come through my inbox to tell me which children need services. I've called and emailed, and still nothing. I don't want to annoy the sender because she my new boss of sorts and a bit on the Godly side right now.
My toddler son has been in full time daycare for a month now because I thought I'd be working. I try to convince myself it's great to have this gift of idle time to get all the house projects done, but my patience wore out yesterday. I want to be working.
When I was on maternity leave for the better part of six months, I learned a very valuable lesson about myself. I need to be working. I didn't miss anything in particular about my job, but as soon as returned I learned that for me working made me feel like a professional, like I had something to offer, and like I had a skill. Being home with my son was wonderful in so many ways, but it is rife with self-doubt, and second guessing. Right now, I can't even credit myself for taking care of my son, because he is at daycare most of the day. And when he is home, his toddler self is challenging me over everything, making me feel even more incapable. I think a lot about patience. Patience with myself, with others, with things beyond my control. Patience is having a head to head with powerlessness and all I can think is, "Make another to-do list and attack it!" On to planting bulbs for a cheerful spring.
My toddler son has been in full time daycare for a month now because I thought I'd be working. I try to convince myself it's great to have this gift of idle time to get all the house projects done, but my patience wore out yesterday. I want to be working.
When I was on maternity leave for the better part of six months, I learned a very valuable lesson about myself. I need to be working. I didn't miss anything in particular about my job, but as soon as returned I learned that for me working made me feel like a professional, like I had something to offer, and like I had a skill. Being home with my son was wonderful in so many ways, but it is rife with self-doubt, and second guessing. Right now, I can't even credit myself for taking care of my son, because he is at daycare most of the day. And when he is home, his toddler self is challenging me over everything, making me feel even more incapable. I think a lot about patience. Patience with myself, with others, with things beyond my control. Patience is having a head to head with powerlessness and all I can think is, "Make another to-do list and attack it!" On to planting bulbs for a cheerful spring.
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